I woke up at 0830, woken by the heating pipe guys working outside (again). I felt rather good when I woke up. Stayed in bed until 10.00 and finished my book. Got up and ate breakfast (Galia Melon) and talked with my best friend Jalle on the phone. He is leaving town for Ö-vik today to work some and to be with his girl friend, Ida. I feel so lonely, The house is very empty. I just spoke with Johanna and Tovah on the phone for 30 minutes. Johanna confirmed that she doesn't want to move back into the house in August. Tovah talked about people being angry and I guess Johanna has said that she is angry with me, it is quite understandable but it still makes me very sad. Where is my life heading...... alone in the darkness. I get so tired when I am sad. I also eat to much and I just stuffed myself again. Does it make anything better? No, I don't think so. Perhaps a cup of the will cheer me up.
I got a new toy today, a Canon IXUS 400 digital camera but I am to tired to play with it. Shortly I have to head into town for an appointment. At least that gives me something to do. I have been meeting up with Jalle almost every day since Johanna moved out and now he too is gone (well, not gone in the same sense as Johanna but still not in town).
When I asked Johanna about if she was really sure about moving to a separate apartment she said she was sure and that it was the best thing to do. I almost started crying when she said it though. I don't know if I want her to move back, but it still feels like loosing something essential in your life. We do have lived together for 12 years of which most of the time we did get along very well. Tired........
Perhaps I should just shuffle all my feelings down into the well and put back the big lid on it and just work instead. The weather is to nice to be inside though. NO, I shall not ignore my feelings. I have done that for so many years and it is time I stop doing it, even if it is painful. Ahhh, my chest suddenly hurts. It stopped but now I feel even more tired. My heart is pounding.
Alone in the darkness....
Ps. Writing this makes me feel better though.
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